Today, I have spent all day with Madeline and Cadence, pretty much like every other day. They both have colds so they are a little whiny and they have snotty noses. I have loved being with them. I just keep thinking about Abigail and I wonder what she would be doing if she were here. I took a picture of Maddie and Cadie standing beside eachother holding their babies. There was a space between them and when I looked at the picture, I just imagined Abby standing between them with her baby. I just want so much to see them ALL playing together. I want to know how she would react to Cadie taking her toys away. I want to hear Maddie say "Abby- you wanna play this with me" like she does with Cadie. I can't wait until the day I get to see them all together again. The pain of going on without one of your babies is indescribable. I know I have Maddie and Cadie here on earth with me and I am so very thankful for them. They do help me get along each day. But it doesn't take away the pain that I feel when I think about not ever holding Abigail again. Abigail was her own special self just like Maddie and Cadie are and when I think about not ever holding my Abigail again, it hurts just as if she were my only child. It hurts. It hurts so bad.
But I will continue to go on because I have to. Not because I want to, but because I have to. Sometimes I really wish I didn't have to.
